In the Audience

I had the wonderful opportunity this weekend to travel home to Kaysville to see five of my best friends and their classmates, the current Advanced Theatre class of Davis High, perform "A Night of Shakespeare." I was so excited to be able to see these people who I love so dearly and miss terribly, but I was afraid it was going to be weird for me. It wasn’t like I expected. Yes, it was weird to think that at this time last year and the year before, it was me who was up on that stage doing the same thing they were. It felt strange to not personally know every single person in the cast. It was odd not knowing what to expect beforehand. But what wasn’t weird was sitting in the audience and watching new people doing what I had done for two years. No, being an audience member didn’t seem strange at all. In fact, it felt right.

In high school, I had the amazing and rare opportunity to be a part of the Advanced Theatre class for two years. I cannot even imagine what my high school experience would have been like without it. Andra Thorne and the students in both classes truly changed my life and taught me things I wouldn’t have learned anywhere else. On the last day of school last year, our class took a mini “field trip” to the auditorium where we sat on the stage one last time as a class. This was an exceptionally hard day for me. I was so ready to be done with high school; to get out of there and move on with my life. I wanted to have new adventures and be able to start over. But I wasn’t ready to let go of the family that had been created for me in that theatre class. It was my safe haven. I had been dreading having to say goodbye for quite sometime.

When we got to the auditorium, Andra had us all lie on the stage and remember the things we had done there. She then left us to do what we personally needed to do in order to let go. First, I stood at the very back of the stage along the wall. I watched everyone in front of me on that stage and thought about all that we had been through together. I watched each of them struggling to let go and say goodbye just as I was. I then proceeded to move to every position on the stage where I had had a scene in all of the shows I had been in at Davis High. I stood where I had stood for various scenes in Macbeth: places I had crouched as part of the rock; where I had stood when I agreed to become a murderer; the places where I fought Banquo and attacked the house of Macduff; my place at the banquet; where I died in the final battle scene. I knelt in the same place where I, as a junior, had been painting set when Andra took me by surprise and asked me if I would be the president of next year’s class. I walked through the scenes of The Scarlet Pimpernel and the musical revue. And lastly, I lost myself in the memory of Peter Pan. I leaned against the pillar that once was my tree. I sat where my nook in the home under the ground had been. I walked to the place where I died in Peter’s arms and was saved by the clapping audience; the wing of the stage where I was hoisted into the air so many times before flying across the stage; and my place in the “Dreamenture” pose from the beginning and end of the show. I walked through every role I had ever played on that stage in the auditorium. And then I walked to the stairs that led off the stage and into the audience. I stood at the top step looking down for what seemed like forever. Then I finally took the step I needed to take—I stepped off of the stage and into the seats of the audience. I let go of my places on that stage and embraced the truth that my place was now in those seats, supporting the ones who would take my place. I walked out of that auditorium knowing that it would be enough to hold on to the memories, and that it would be okay to let someone else have the amazing experience of being part of the new family that would soon form.

Being at Night of Shakespeare on Friday brought me back to that day when I decided it was okay to let go. It was the closure I had needed at the end of two years of being a part of Advanced. That experience and closure I had had that day allowed me to go to the show and be perfectly comfortable sitting in the audience. I was so excited to see the new class up there on that stage, knowing that they still had no idea what that class will bring to them. It brought back so many memories to watch those who were performing Shakespeare for the first time and were yet to be comfortable with it, compared to those who had come to realize their love and passion for the works of that amazing man. I am so excited for these kids to have an experience like the one I had. They have so much in store for them. I will forever be grateful for the experiences that I had in that class and I’m so glad that it can continue onto new people each year. Thank you, Andra, and all the previous members of Advanced Theatre who shared those experiences with me. And to all those who are just beginning the class or who will be in it in the years to come, thank you for allowing me to relive all those precious memories through your performances.