Heartache is a Vicious Thing

Have you ever had so many thoughts in your head that you couldn't put them into words no matter how hard you tried, even though that's what you wished you could do more than anything? So have I.

Life in this apartment this past week has been, well, hard on all of us. One roommate went through a painful breakup, a couple more had hopes smashed, everyone has been stressed and on edge, and our apartment seems to be a vacuum for drama. The more we try to pull the plug out of the wall, the harder the vacuum sucks. And I have somehow found myself here, stuck as the mediator in what seems to be the most complicated love pyramid that ever existed.

But that's not what this is about.

Tonight I experienced what it's like to rely on the Lord for words. My best friend needed me, but I had so many words in my head that I had none at all. Not only that, but I was emotionally involved in the situation that had her collapsed on the floor and sobbing in my arms, and I was struggling to remain the strong and sensible one. I needed the clarity to be able to tell her what she needed to hear. But I couldn't get it out. As I rocked her back and forth I pleaded to be able to say what needed to come out. Never have I thought so carefully about what to say before saying it. But it came. The words came out and the advice was sound and spiritual. It provided her the comfort and guidance that she needed and gave her the little bit of clarity she was seeking in order to be able to turn her pleas to her Heavenly Father and allow him to direct her in her decisions. I know the words were not mine. They were the words the Spirit was trying to tell her but which she was too upset to hear.

I like to think that in this week of chaos, confusion, and endless emotions, I was able to be the answer to a friend's prayer. Amidst the millions of racing thoughts going around in my head, I was able to have a small moment of clarity in which to help someone I love dearly. I'm now back to not being able to not being able to even begin to decipher the chaos in my mind, but for that moment, everything made sense.